Managing Maternal and Paternal Stress and Anxiety
Written with Emma Wilcox, certified and experienced hypnotherapist, from Mindful Mama Bear
The arrival of a newborn is a joyous occasion, but it can also be a time of immense pressure and emotional upheaval for both mothers and fathers. This article explores the very real challenges of maternal and paternal stress and anxiety, particularly in the early days of parenthood, and how to navigate unsolicited advice that can often exacerbate these feelings.
Understanding Maternal and Paternal Stress and Anxiety
Maternal Stress and Anxiety: Often referred to as perinatal stress and anxiety, this encompasses the emotional challenges faced by mothers during pregnancy and in the early years postpartum. Factors like hormonal changes, physical recovery, birth trauma, sleep deprivation, and the immense responsibility of caring for a newborn can all contribute to feelings of anxiety and overwhelm. Plus new mums are actually biologically designed to experience more anxiety; it creates heightened vigilance to threats, which helps us to protect our babies from threats.
Paternal Stress and Anxiety: Fathers are not immune to these challenges. While traditionally overlooked, paternal stress and anxiety are becoming increasingly recognised. Concerns about finances, providing emotional support, and adjusting to a new role in the family can all take a toll on a father's mental well-being.
The Unsolicited Advice Trap
New parents are often bombarded with advice from well-meaning family, friends, and even strangers. While some advice may be helpful, unsolicited comments can often be insensitive and judgmental, adding to feelings of stress and inadequacy.
Here's why unsolicited advice can be detrimental:
Undermines Confidence: New parents are already figuring things out on the fly. Unsolicited advice can make them feel like they're not doing a good job.
Breeds Comparison: Constant advice can lead parents to compare their parenting styles to others, creating unnecessary anxiety.
Focuses on Perfection: A barrage of "shoulds" and "shouldn'ts" creates an unrealistic expectation of perfection, which is simply unattainable.
Tips for Managing Stress and Anxiety
Sleep: Although it is often very difficult to get a good night’s sleep with small children, poor sleep is a major contributing factor to anxiety. This is because sleep deprivation increases cortisol (the hormone responsible for your stress responses).
Healthy foods: Particularly fruits and vegetables and foods containing Omega 3 fatty acids such as fish and nuts and seeds.
Journaling: Journaling activates the ‘observance of self’: when writing about your worries or anxieties, you observe them rather than experiencing them, which creates distance from them.
Exercise and time outdoors: When in ‘fight-or-flight’ mode, our bodies need to move in order to ‘shake off’ the excess adrenaline. Feeling connected to nature is known to improve mental health.
Practise relaxation: It sounds obvious, but you cannot be relaxed and anxious at the same time! You can get into a relaxed state by taking slow, deep breaths, going for a gentle walk, having a bath or shower or meditating (guided meditations are brilliant and there are many available on YouTube).
Set Boundaries: Learn to politely decline unsolicited advice. Let others know you appreciate their concern but that you have things under control.
Seek Professional Help: If stress and anxiety are overwhelming, don't hesitate to seek professional help from a therapist or counselor who specialises in perinatal mental health.
There is no "one size fits all" approach to parenthood. Trust your instincts, listen to your baby's cues, and find what works best for your family. By prioritising open communication, self-care, and healthy boundaries, you can navigate the challenges of parenthood with greater confidence and create a loving and supportive environment for your newborn.