Sustaining Mental Health in the Parenting Marathon
Written by Georgina Sturmer
Counsellor and a Registered Member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy.
As parents, we often focus our time and energy on the wellbeing of our children. But it’s important not to lose focus of our own health and wellbeing. After all, if we want to be the best parents that we can be, we need to make sure that we look after ourselves too. Here are some top tips for looking after your own mental health:
Acknowledging the good, the bad and the ugly
In a world that prizes perfection and success, it can be hard to acknowledge – publicly and privately – that parenting is tough. And the truth is that parenting is tough. There are the practical stresses and strains of looking after children, juggling childcare and finances, and putting our own hobbies and plans on the backburner. And there are the emotional stresses and strains too. This might come as a direct result of our children’s practical needs, coping with the financial strain and sleep deprivation. Or it might be a more complex emotional response to parenthood. Becoming a parent changes our identity. This can bring joy and excitement. But it might also bring frustrations, disappointment, or a sense of loss for our previous lives. And becoming a parent might trigger other latent feelings in life too, including anxiety, depression, and reminders from our past. The more that we talk about the real, unvarnished truth of parenthood, the easier it is to seek support and help, to understand that most of what we are experiencing is a normal, rational response to the situation that we are in.
Carve out time for you
It’s tempting to lose ourselves in the relentless whirl of caring for our children. But this is when we need our me-time the most. To restore and recharge ourselves. And to remember ‘who we are’ when we are not by our children’s side. Find time in your week to do something that makes you happy. Something that helps you to feel mindful and grounded. And if possible, turn off your devices and distractions. Maybe it’s a yoga class or a coffee with a friend. Or perhaps it’s a five-minute uninterrupted cup of tea. If it’s hard to justify, then try it out – and notice how it makes you feel. Hopefully you feel re-energised after spending a few minutes on yourself. And this will help you to prioritise it in the future.
Know who’s on your team
Whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, we all need to know where to turn if we need some help, whether it’s practical, emotional, or a bit of help. And it’s easiest to determine who your ‘team’ is before you reach crisis point. Consider what your support network looks like, and who you can reach out to for non-judgemental support. And if you don’t have anyone nearby who you can call in times of need, then there are always organisations available who can offer support and advice.
Samaritans and SHOUT both offer support 24/7, and you’ll be met with kindness and empathy from someone who is there to listen and support you.
About the author
Georgina Sturmer is a Counsellor, and a Registered Member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy. She works online with clients across the UK. Georgina specialises in supporting women through the challenges that they may face during different parts of their live, including anxiety, depression, relationship difficulties, trauma and loss. You can find out more about her at www.georginasturmer.co.uk.